Monday, November 28, 2011

Long Night

I was somewhat excited to come home and post about the trip to Salt Lake(that post to come) and how well she did, but instead the night turned to crap.

Instead, I need to vent. I need to write my feelings down (1) for therapy (2) to remember the crappy parts.

It started with attempting to swallow pills. We have been practicing and she was doing great with mini m&ms and cut up pedialax. I just knew tonight was the night. We tried and grandmas and grandpas for 15-20 minutes. No luck. Came home with a tired boy... and a tired girl. Attempted the pill swallowing for another 10 minutes. No luck. Crushed it up in the syringe as normal... and talked....argued.... got mad....sad....understanding....mad. Ended up being a full battle for 3 hours. She was literally falling asleep as she was pushing our hands away, crying and refusing. We were both extremely frustrated. Nothing was working. Being soft, kind, patient, mad, yelling, crying...nothing. I just kept looking at her and thinking that it was not right. And it's not. I should not be battling my 2 yr old with this crap. I should be battling bed time, stories, movies. Instead I am battling her taking medicine that will save her life. She HAS to have it. I am responsible for giving it to her and she WON'T take it. We tried pinning her down, shoving it down the back of her throat and then she just throws it up. It started running in her eyes and ALL over her. How is the right?! Broke my heart. We are the bad guys, but we are only trying to help her. In the background, Slade is screaming in his crib because he can hear everyone else in the house screaming. I wanted to cry... I did cry. How did we choose is this really happening? I know things could be worse and it's just medicine. But it is rough. I have learned to hate Mondays and Tuesdays for the reason of it being "Septra days". Probably not the right attitude but it's how I feel. I literally get anxiety thinking of the battle to come. There are so many more medicine days to come and it just about rips my heart out. I don't know what to do. She probably only got 1/2 dose tonight. There has to be a better way but I swear I have tried everything! It just sucks. She is such a trooper and endures so much already. Why do we have to do the crappy medicine too? Glad we have it to save her life, but it really does suck sometimes.


  1. I'm so sorry you and your family have to go through this. My heart goes out to you Mama. You've probably thought of every possible solution to give her the medicine but what about putting it into a spoon full of yogurt, pudding or applesauce? Maybe she wont notice it and just swallow it right down.

  2. You may have already used this, but I would tell Daphne that if she didn't take the meds she would get sick again and we'd have to head back to the hospital. So she could either take them at home, or we'd go to the hospital and the nurses there would make her take them. We still fought about it every time, but she didn't want to have to stay at the hospital. It is a little bit of a white lie. Though if she doesn't take her meds, that is what will happen. Just not as quickly as I made it sound.

    Good luck!

  3. I just read your last two posts and they made me cry. I can't even imagine how tough this would be. You really are doing such an amazing job.
    I think it's great that you are so real about it and are recording the hard times as well. I pray for your sweet little family, and I think all of the prayers in your behalf must be why you can make it through these difficult times.
    You guys are great parents, and she is lucky to have you two.

  4. I'm so sorry! =( Have you tried the soda pop? That saved us from our hour long or more daily battles with Alexis. For some reason when she drank it with soda it went right down. Good luck. I'm praying for you guys!

  5. I'm so sorry for all of your struggles. It's hard to understand why certain things have to happen to us here on earth. I struggle with this myself. You are doing a wonderful job though. You both are wonderful parents and I hope that this becomes easier for all of you. I can't imagine what you have to go through. My heart goes out to you and your little girl. I pray for your family every night. Thoughts and prayers are always with you.
    Love, Jenni-Ohio