I was somewhat excited to come home and post about the trip to Salt Lake(that post to come) and how well she did, but instead the night turned to crap.
Instead, I need to vent. I need to write my feelings down (1) for therapy (2) to remember the crappy parts.
It started with attempting to swallow pills. We have been practicing and she was doing great with mini m&ms and cut up pedialax. I just knew tonight was the night. We tried and grandmas and grandpas for 15-20 minutes. No luck. Came home with a tired boy... and a tired girl. Attempted the pill swallowing for another 10 minutes. No luck. Crushed it up in the syringe as normal... and talked....argued.... got mad....sad....understanding....mad. Ended up being a full battle for 3 hours. She was literally falling asleep as she was pushing our hands away, crying and refusing. We were both extremely frustrated. Nothing was working. Being soft, kind, patient, mad, yelling, crying...nothing. I just kept looking at her and thinking that it was not right. And it's not. I should not be battling my 2 yr old with this crap. I should be battling bed time, stories, movies. Instead I am battling her taking medicine that will save her life. She HAS to have it. I am responsible for giving it to her and she WON'T take it. We tried pinning her down, shoving it down the back of her throat and then she just throws it up. It started running in her eyes and ALL over her. How is the right?! Broke my heart. We are the bad guys, but we are only trying to help her. In the background, Slade is screaming in his crib because he can hear everyone else in the house screaming. I wanted to cry... I did cry. How did we choose this...how is this really happening? I know things could be worse and it's just medicine. But it is rough. I have learned to hate Mondays and Tuesdays for the reason of it being "Septra days". Probably not the right attitude but it's how I feel. I literally get anxiety thinking of the battle to come. There are so many more medicine days to come and it just about rips my heart out. I don't know what to do. She probably only got 1/2 dose tonight. There has to be a better way but I swear I have tried everything! It just sucks. She is such a trooper and endures so much already. Why do we have to do the crappy medicine too? Glad we have it to save her life, but it really does suck sometimes.