Day 20

It's been an alright day. She was pretty happy for the majority of the day. It's always rough when she wakes up. She headed to Grammy's for the morning, requested special visitors for lunch and played and played. I was able to get some cleaning done and go through mail that seemed to pile up over the last 2 weeks. Made a run to Wal-Mart which turned out to be a disaster. One thing after another... couldn't wait for that trip to end (didn't take Taleah). The kids napped at the same time so I was able to lay down for a minute with Taleah. That was also much needed due to the serious bags under my eyes (and I am not kidding).

After the nap is when it all changed... I didn't mean to wake her up and I am sorry that I did. She woke up VERY upset/crying. I held her and tried to console her without waking up her brother (which did not happen). I don't think she was fully awake. She then peed all over me and her. Luckily Grandma Stevenson was here. She then requested a pickle from Jimmy Johns (like the one Chloe brought her). We got in the car to pick one up and I gave them strict instructions to cut it just like Chloe's. We get home and go on the steps to eat it and she FREAKS out. She didn't want it cut. She was seriously having a melt down. I was trying to talk to her and talk through it, but she started screaming (we are on our front steps) and pushing me away. A few neighbors poked their heads out. I didn't know what to do. I was on the verge of tears and felt extremely helpless at that moment. I couldn't console her, she wanted me but she didn't want me. Right at that moment, a ward memeber dropped off dinner. She probably thought I was crazy. It took about 30 minutes to get her calmed down (by asking grandpa to drop a new one off that WASN'T cut). When the pickle arrived, I was able to sneak out to the game.

This boy has been a trooper. I couldn't ask for a better baby. Seriously. Love him!

Our cheerleaders were performing at the Pine View vs. Desert Hills game. My team was so cute and ordered Team Taleah t-shirts. They were SO cute. I appreciate their support so much. What a great group of girls.

I was having a little bit of social anxiety again. This is so different for me. Everyone was very sweet but I felt totally out of my element (which usually is my element). I was overwhelmed with the love and support that people were showing. Seeing people wearing her bracelets. Seeing the Desert Hills football boys that Scott coaches play hard and telling Scott it is for Taleah. Listening to the announcer talk about the car wash fundraiser that someone is doing for us. All of it was amazing. Honestly, there were moments in between all of that when I was feeling sorry for Taleah and myself. Dumb. I kept thinking that she should be here. She should be watching my cheerleaders and her daddy coach. She should be wearing her Raglan t-shirt. She shouldn't have to stay in our house with limited people. Sounds like a lot of pity thoughts in between all of the good thoughts... kind of was. Just how I feel.

When I get home, Taleah had been entertained by grandma and grandpa stevenson. They were nice enough to let me feel normal for a minute. She was ready for bed. I asked her to pray because she hasn't said a prayer since she was diagnosed. She didn't want to, but I told her I would keep her bedroom door open if she would pray. Her prayer was priceless. I helped her a little, but it was the sweetest thing and just what I needed to hear. Simple and sweet. She was thankful for blessings, playing with g&g stevenson, blessing to fight her "kemia", blessing to be healthy, blessing her brother, ect. My heart melted right there. Amongst it all, she was thanking Heavenly Father for the little things. Another lesson for me. She is teaching me so much. What an amazing little girl... I guess I can say that because I am her mom.

8 more days of steroids.

Yay!