Day 21

One more day down. It's been an emotional roller coaster for her and I both today. Last night was rough... really rough and I think it made a bad start for the day. Another freak out in the middle of the night... requesting Life cereal in a cup, then a bowl and then a cup again, pizza, cheetos (but not the kind we had of course), apple juice, water (with ice), ect. Scott and I both were both moving trying to get things in order but it wasn't good enough. She wanted me to sit on the bed and then get off. She had me strip all blankets, sheets and animals off of her bed. It was exhausting. I also got up at 5:45 to run since we have decided to go ahead and run the marathon (or walk really). Let's just say that going on 4 hours of sleep... 3 weeks in a row is getting to me. I may become a crazy person very soon.

The car wash... wow. I don't even know where to start. It was unbelievable. Seriously. So many people donated time, money and hard work for our family... yet again. I wish so bad that there was a way to repay everyone. Thank you family/friends.

Another life lesson learned for me. I guess I (before now) stuck mostly to the people I knew, had my routine and did my own thing. I would reach out occasionally, but not a lot. I probably had some preconceived notions of people only because I didn't really "know" them. Throughout this process (3 short/long weeks), I have learned that there are SO many good people in this world. I seem to always hear bad things and bad people... well I could go on and on about so many good things that people have done. I could go on and on listing good people. It's nice to see that everyone just wants the best for each other... even though sometimes we all get caught up in our own lives. I am totally guilty of that.

Taleah is doing pretty well. These steroids might just do me (and her) in. They are tough. I have moments of thinking that I can't be patient for one more second. I have moments of wanting to freak out or cry. She does freak out and cry... a lot. It seems to be more with me or at home. Not sure why. I kind of feel like I am on the steroids too. Only 7 more days of steroids. She can do this. I can do this. Her poor little cheeks may not be able to stretch any further, but I know they will keep on going. I think she has gained 4 pounds at this point. We will find out for sure on Mon morning when we go for the Vincristine down here.

I am feeling ok about things again. It's not saying that I won't be mad/sad tomorrow. Today I felt like we could go this. Last week I felt like the "plan" of this Leukemia treatment I had finally accepted was ruined when she got the infection and had to get the port removed. That was not in my binder that I received or my calendar either. I was all set to follow the plan and then things didn't go according to "plan". After being up there and surviving another week as an inpatient, I figured out that we will probably be inpatients again. I figured out that for as many "mix-ups" occur in the "plan".... there is always another "plan" to get back to the main "plan". Sounds silly. At least they have a plan of action for things that do happen. So far I haven't been the "first" of any of our "mix-ups". I will take that for today and try and embrace it.

Things happen for a reason.

I feel grateful to have learned some lessons already... 3 weeks exactly since diagnosis.