I worked all day after arriving home from SLC the previous day.
While working, I get updates from my mom on Taleah. She is not feeling well. Slept in late. Took a nap. Not much energy. I HATED that I wasn't there to take care of her.
After work, I have both kids. She is pretty needy and so is Slade because he didn't nap much throughout the day.
I did come home to dinner on my front doorstep and I have no idea who it was from. I was so thankful because I had no idea what I was going to do for dinner.
I did my best to keep both kids happy. It was difficult.
After putting Slade to bed, I attempted the medicine routine. It usually takes anywhere from 10 min to 1 hour.
Tonight we set a record.... 2 hrs and 40 minutes. I was on the verge of tears, there was crying and yelling, puking, pinning down, negotiating, stalling, crying and crying. I HATED it. I know she didn't feel the best. I was the "bad guy" and tried to force it. Scott arrived after the first 45 minutes had passed and he tried being the bad guy. Nothing was working. I wish she could know that I was actually trying to help her, but that's not the way it is. It sucked SO bad to look at her and know she doesn't feel good and FORCE her to take this stuff that she knows is going to taste bad. I can't even count the amount of times that she told me it was going to taste bad. And she was right... it does taste bad. I tried explaining that she has to take it no matter what. Not sure she gets that.
After the puking mess, we put her in the shower. I finally got her to take it by threatening to pin her down again. That's horrible. Her sad face and words of fear just about ripped my heart out.
I hate the medicine. I know it is good for her and is saving her life, but it's rough. Exhausting...physically and emotionally.
Instead of unpacking, laundry, dishes, picking up and playing with my kids... I had to fight my daughter for almost 3 hours. It was not one bit of fun and I felt like I was torturing her. Isn't it enought that her body is feeling terrible from the new chemo? Isn't it enough to endure what this Leukemia has already presented.? Other kids were probably playing and enjoying their evening home while we were screaming, yelling and puking at this household.
Medicine can really suck.
So can cancer.
Above all of that, we have been blessed and spoiled by many people. Even on days like today, it doesn't go unappreciated. Thank you everyone for doing what you can to make this easier on us.