Thursday, September 1, 2011

Day 5's home. The day went ok.

I don't function well when things are out of place and messy. I know it sounds terrible to even say considering what is happening in our lives. But.. it's true...I don't function. So today I was stressed...all day. :) Not only that, Slade is teething and was not happy all day (which he usually is).

Taleah did pretty well. She is becoming more aware of her "special button". She went potty in her diaper and the toilet...progress. Taking the medicine was a challenge. Morning an evening. We have got to find a solution to that because that is a new way of life around here.

As far as leeping things sanitized, it was a struggle to keep her and Slade apart and keep his hands out her mouth and vice versa. Hope that part gets easier.

We had the home nurse stop by to talk about the upcoming months. She was sweet and Taleah didn't hate that's good!

She played and played as we had family stop by to help out. I can see it in her eyes that she is sick. It kind of seems like it's back to normal life now that we are home. It seems as if nothing is wrong, but then I look at her sweet eyes and it reminds me that my baby has cancer. Wow that was kind of hard to type. BUT she is a trooper. She is so strong.

We have tried to keep visitors to a minimum. People are washing/sanitizing their hands the second they walk in. We are keeping food out for no longer than 20 minutes. We are lysoling everything. We are taking leftovers out of the fridge after 2 days. New way of life :)

As far as me, just a freakin roller coaster! This might sound bad, but I found myself thinking
about people mentioning how strong I was and always had been...I kind of thought that I wish I wasn't or hadn't been strong and maybe this wouldn't have happened. I wished for a minute that it was something I couldn't handle and that way God wouldn't have sent this my way. Not that is all about me because it's not. It's about Taleah, but I hate seeing her suffer. I am supposed to protect her, keep her safe....and I didn't..but this is something I have no control over. On the flip side, I can already see some good that has come from this. People have come together and provided the best kind of service. They will receive blessings from all they have done. People have turned to God that usually don't. Our family has grown closer. There will be more good that comes... I am sure of it.


  1. I cannot even imagine going through all that you are i know i would have many break downs so don't feel bad for it.. i think it is only healthy :) love you to pieces enjoy being in your own home.. and being back to "normal" life :) miss you

  2. Just wanted to let you know that I am praying for your sweet girl and family!!!!

  3. Tosha, You may not know us but we are friends of your parents (Kori and Easton's mom and dad). We just love your family and have been so sad to hear about all that you are going through in your little family. I just wanted to let you know that we are thinking of you and, more importantly, praying for Taleah, and all of you.

    With Love,
    Dan and Karen Pedersen

  4. I know at times you feel like you didn't do all you could- because you can't keep cancer from her. But you did do all you could. You took her to the doctor when she was sick. You held her and loved her and comforted her. When we were first diagnosed I wondered if Daph would trust me less because I didn't keep the nurses away from her. That I didn't "protect" her from pokies, and medicine, etc. Being on steroids for the next month changed her mood, so I really thought our relationship had changed. But they come to realize that it HAS to be that way. That it is hard, but that Mommy is there to help make it less so. You learn little things to help them cope. Daph HATES the smell of the sterilizers they use when they access her port. So she looks up, and I wave the smell away with my hand. And while I do that, the nurse pushes the needle in. She has emla on so it is numb, and she didn't watch it happen so she isn't as freaked out. There are plenty of little things like that that mommies figure out for their kids. I thought Daph did just fine on her own with all that, until one day I was at the front desk making another clinic appointment while my mother played with Daph. The nurses came up and tried to de-access her port so we could go home. She freaked out. And she never does. So I ran down the hall, she sat on my lap, and was totally fine. She just needed me there.

    You'll figure it all out. Promise

  5. TOSH.... I just wanted to write u and say I WAS down and determined to make it to see you guys and my work (and a little fam drama) kept me.. so SAD :( :( I just want u to know how much I am thinkin of u and your sweetheart ..about every five min no joke !! AND when u are up here please let me know if there is anything I can do AND if you guys need a place to stay!! I will be hoping thinking and praying for you all... she is def a lil trooper!!! Hang in there babe and if you need to chit chat please call!!! Tons of love Tosh!! Xo Cortney <3

  6. I just want to remind you now that you did not raise a miniature incredible hulk although this next month it will feel like you did. Steroids are so nasty. Just know that when you have her yelling at you because she wants something to eat (and not just anything, it has to be what she wants and what she wants now). If you do not have that certain food (it will seem like the world is coming to and end because you don't) PLEASE PLEASE call me. Chase ANC is great right now and I am more than happy to run to the store quickly. You want to keep her away from the germs, and the shopping carts are the worst, so don't take her. I will go!!! I promise I would love to help you in any way. If you think it is silly to call, that is when I want you to call me. I know how it feels to want so badly to call for help knowing that whoever you call is going to think you're crazy asking them to get you a hot dog RIGHT NOW!!! The nutritionist at the hospital I am sure talked to you. She is great, but she has not lived in a house with a 2 yr old on steroids. Yes you can avoid the salty foods as much as possible and try to offer different things, but in my opinion you have to pick your battles. After the first month she will not want to eat anything so I say let her stock up for the months that she is going to not want anything to eat. I tried really hard to offer Chase "good things" along with all the salty food he wanted. But with their mood it is really hard to talk them into something else. You are not a bad mom because you let her eat what she wants. I cried two weeks into treatment at a McDonalds in Beaver or Fillmore because it was 10:45 and they don't serve lunch till 11:00. I broke down bawling and told them I needed chicken nuggets. Chase was demanding them and it was all I could do to comfort him. Good thing McDonalds gives in to a 8 month pregnant crying lady. We got the nuggets!!! Sorry for the long post. I will talk to you soon so I stop posting novels. I am constantly thinking of you guys! Keep up the good work. You are all doing AWESOME!

  7. It was good to see you last night- I am glad I dropped by as you were leaving! You are such a strength to all of us. We haven't stopped thinking about your sweet family! Please let us know what we can do for you...even if it is to pick up some hot dogs like Dani said. I'd be happy to go!