We had a great time this weekend. The weather has been amazing so we have been able to get out and enjoy things. Taleah was in heaven with the fun filled weekend. And I must say that Slade was a trooper through it all (minus night time).
She has been playing a lot of doctor lately. Everything she says is something that she has done. I have been asking her a lot if her head feels ok and if she has a fever. I suggested tylenol at one point when she complained of her head hurting and she quickly dismissed the pain and wanted NO medicine. I am afraid she won't tell me when she is hurting for fear of additional medicine. Also, while playing pretend she says, "Aww I have a fever. Take my temperature." I immediately panicked and felt her head. She said, "Mom, I am playing pretend." I asked her nicely to not play that kind of pretend to protect my blood pressure/heart.
I guess I am becoming more anxious of the next phase. I will start reading blogs of other cancer cuties and see what we are in for. Sometimes it helps...sometimes it makes my anxiety worse. One of my biggest fears is Taleah not feeling "normal". I am afraid that she won't get the social interaction that she needs. I need to stop being afraid. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for her. I know that he knows what she/we can handle. Sometimes it is scary to put all my trust in him, but I still do. I know He knows me and my family. It's crazy because I have this feeling that she is going to be ok. No mother wants to think of the very worst for their child (death), but it is one of the effects of cancer. However, I have never thought of losing her. Maybe it is me being naive, but I have always had a feeling of peace amongst all the crazy feelings I feel. I know that is Heavenly Father giving me the peace I need at this time. It must be what I need to feel... to get through this.
I guess this post turned into an emotional one... again. It is my journal and I want to remember every step of this journey. I want Taleah to look back and see how strong she was.
5 more days of consolidation...