Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Consolidation- Day 23

Well, I was loving life because we didn't have to drive to SLC this weekend. We had Monday "off" of clinic. Don't worry, I still had an appt to go to for Slade. He had his stent removed from his urethra. Let's just say he has been much happier since having that thing removed. So my day "off" wasn't really a day off. Oh well.

Then, Tue morning I leave for work at 7am. Scott texts me by 7:45 saying that both kids woke up screaming. Taleah was complaining of not feeling well and Slade just cried especially when getting his diaper changed. Taleah then threw up (luckily they made it to the sink). I was a nervous wreck reading the text... did she have a fever... was she dehydrated... does she have the flu...? I called to make sure he took her temp and reminded him that she had to have septra this morning. Oh man. Slade calmed down and then Taleah threw up again. I hated not being there and having "control" over the situation. (I am slowly learning that I might be a slight control freak)

It's kind of bad to think, but I kept thinking of every scenario. I just knew we were going to be admitted... and maybe we still will. I just have to be ok with the fact that if we do...we do. Anything to help her. I was running through every place(in my mind) we had taken her this weekend. We were careful and not in very crowded places....it consumed my every thought. We had kind of decided that we were still going to "live life", but be careful about it. This treatment plan is a long time to sit home and wait for things to happen. I began to think that maybe I was wrong. She is much happier and heals much quicker (I feel) when she can be somewhat normal.

She has ended up being ok today. She has eaten a fair amount, drank lots of water and played quite a bit. She has complained a few random times of her head hurting... I am guessing a headache or maybe the flu (but she had the flu shot). She has been herself for the most part and that puts me at ease.. for the most part. No temperature, but I will be watching closely.

We had a great time this weekend. The weather has been amazing so we have been able to get out and enjoy things. Taleah was in heaven with the fun filled weekend. And I must say that Slade was a trooper through it all (minus night time).

She has been playing a lot of doctor lately. Everything she says is something that she has done. I have been asking her a lot if her head feels ok and if she has a fever. I suggested tylenol at one point when she complained of her head hurting and she quickly dismissed the pain and wanted NO medicine. I am afraid she won't tell me when she is hurting for fear of additional medicine. Also, while playing pretend she says, "Aww I have a fever. Take my temperature." I immediately panicked and felt her head. She said, "Mom, I am playing pretend." I asked her nicely to not play that kind of pretend to protect my blood pressure/heart.

I guess I am becoming more anxious of the next phase. I will start reading blogs of other cancer cuties and see what we are in for. Sometimes it helps...sometimes it makes my anxiety worse. One of my biggest fears is Taleah not feeling "normal". I am afraid that she won't get the social interaction that she needs. I need to stop being afraid. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for her. I know that he knows what she/we can handle. Sometimes it is scary to put all my trust in him, but I still do. I know He knows me and my family. It's crazy because I have this feeling that she is going to be ok. No mother wants to think of the very worst for their child (death), but it is one of the effects of cancer. However, I have never thought of losing her. Maybe it is me being naive, but I have always had a feeling of peace amongst all the crazy feelings I feel. I know that is Heavenly Father giving me the peace I need at this time. It must be what I need to feel... to get through this.

I guess this post turned into an emotional one... again. It is my journal and I want to remember every step of this journey. I want Taleah to look back and see how strong she was.

5 more days of consolidation...


  1. bless your heart. i'd be an anxious wreck. you're doing amazing. taleah is so adorable. i love how she pops that little hip out for her pics. and slade is precious, glad everything went well with his surgery. yall are in our prayers.

  2. We had that flu/stomach bug at our house this past week--YUCK! It was awful and especially when a little kid has it. Glad she's feeling better and you can have a little more peace of mind. This phase seems to have gone by quickly. Yea!

  3. My younger son had the stomach bug this week too. It's a nasty and awful thing. I'm glad that she is feeling better. Your little ones are beautiful. I'm happy that this phase is almost over with. I wish your family the best in all that you set out to do.

  4. Sorry, I forgot to post my name.

  5. She's looking so good!

    Just remember, every one of us says that Induction was the hardest part. And you're done with it. The first six months are hard, but you are a third of the way done with the first six months. And you've finished the hardest part! You guys can do this.

    I was also going to mention about her hair- It looks good! The pic you posted of the clump of hair- honestly, that is exactly what Daph's did in Induction. The hair loss in DI is totally different. The "clumps" are actual clumps. So I'd wager she'll hang onto her hair until DI. So you've got some time to get used to the idea. Plus, when she loses it in DI it will start to grow back almost immediately. And you won't have to worry about her losing it again.