Delayed Intensification- Day 1

I am overflowing with emotions. What's new right?! I really am and that is not good right before Christmas. I'll start with a few things leading up to today.

I mentioned all of the great people. To name a few... Rob and Paul spending HOURS on the swing set for the kids... Sines bringing dinner and requesting to bring it twice a month.... sweet Christmas gifts/surprises. It makes us feel loved and very special.

I have been very anxious this week about starting this phase. It was ALL I could think about. I feel like I almost couldn't enjoy how great Taleah was feeling. She wasn't 100% but there wasn't a lot of down time like usual. I mean she rarely wants to lay on the couch all day long, but will do so for an hour. This phase consumed my thoughts. Not knowing how she would react, how the chemo would make her feel, controlling the enviornment around her, ect. The stress of Christmas and feeling very unprepared and just the busy time of year is wearing on me.

I also found out from our health care coordinator that we would have to drive up for "day 4" to get the PEG IV infused. That would technically be Christmas, so we had to move it to the day after at 8am. I don't know why I started crying at work when she told me. I hate driving up there, the weather makes it that much worse. AND... we would do it twice in 5 days... AND to top it off she will most likely be sick.... AND it's right in the midst of Christmas celebrations. Those are all of the negative things of course. I didn't even want to look for the positive things in all of that. :) Leaving Slade was hard this time. I left after I put him down for a nap. I hate feeling like I am abandoning him. I hate feeling like I am "choosing a kid". He does fine when I am gone and he is always watched by family. I still have a hard time. I felt especially bad when my sister said he cried when he woke up and crawled in all of the rooms looking for me. Talk about a sad heart!

Taleah had her CBC and made counts. Oh and she was SO brave with nurse Jeanette.

ANC 1500

Hct 36

Plts 200,000

WBC 3.4

Off we went, but earlier this time. I wanted her to have a chance to play at Treena's because that is her favorite thing to do. We arrived at 8pm and partied until 11:15. Yep, I couldn't make her go to bed because she was in heaven. My mom's side of the family surprised Taleah with a HUGE gift for Christmas. It was the sweetest thing ever!! I have lots of pictures that I need to post on here (to come). She was more than thrilled. She LOVES playing pretend. It was sweet to watch Hallee and Kobee give her the gifts while explaining all of the kids that were a part of it. Too sweet.

The late bed time, which consisted of her actually falling asleep at 12:15am. We woke up at 6:30am. She got 4 hours less than usual... and let's say that it made for a rough day. She was EXTREMELY emotional. It was a different day, which resulted in different people. She cried and cried and cried. There were few happy moments, which is uncommon at this point in time. They also gave her a gift that she loved. Kept her busy and put a smile on her face (for 10 min).

We discussed the next phase in better detail. The PEG IV infusion freaked me right out. It has a high allergic reaction so she will be watched for 1-2 hours after. We have to do it as a "short stay" in ICS at 8am. She is taking steroids (AHHHHH) for 7 days on, 7 days off, 7 days on and then 7 days off (which also calls for prevacid to help with the stomach issues from the steroids). She received intrathecal methotrexate, vincristine and doxorubicin (sp?) which is a new chemo. This new one is famous for hair loss, nausea, low counts and mouth sores. Most moms say by day 21 all hair on the body is GONE. Gearing up for that one, but honestly don't even care if we could just skip the other side effects.

The second month of DI is totally different and will be discussed once we get there (which is count dependent). I am PRAYING that she can stay healthy through this phase. She is at a HIGH risk for infection now. We have to be SO much more careful. Hoping we can swing it and keep her (and us) healthy. I have got to let go of this anxiety. It's hard when today was so stressful/emotional. Upon arriving home, she was still feeling sick and crying. She felt a little better after drinking some "special juice" and we attempted
practicing the starbursts (meds). She did great (other than the pharmacy requires her to take 3 of the pills twice a day). We saved the last 2 pills for the end of the night when I remembered we hadn't done any prevacid. It dissolves and I tried to put it in her root beer. She wouldn't really eat all night, so the root beer was probably a bad choise. Out of nowhere she yelled that she had to throw up. I grabbed her and we made it to the sink. I have no clue what caused it... wish I did. I am hoping it is not a sign of what is to come. Again... that dang anxiety. Lots of prayers for her this month. I hate to say I am gearing up for the worst.... but I kind of am.