Friday, December 23, 2011

DI- Day 2

Today has been difficult. I knew it would be. Just don't think I was really prepared. She woke up acting ok, but then it quickly turned about an hour after the morning steroid dose. She went from crying, extremely emotional, sad, angry, mean, aggressive and so many more emotions in such a SHORT period of time. It was exhausting after 1 short hour. She cried for grammys house so I finally packed up and left. No one was there so that made her even more upset. Same emotions... different place. Trying to juggle her and Slade (which she is having extreme hatred toward) was a challenge. I didn't think I could handle it for much longer and luckily the fam showed up just in time. I was about to cry myself. It breaks my heart because I know she is so sad, feels like crap and has the dumb effects of steroids. At least the last time she had steroids, we could temporarily make her happy with food. This time... it seems to almost make her more upset. NOTHING makes her happy. She can't get comfortable, she is always whining, she is moving locations, things to play... trying to feel good and it's just not happening.

They were going to leave to get some last minute shopping done and Taleah burst into tears. I was at the end of my rope (only 2pm). So we loaded her up and took her with us... Teeny was nice enough to wear a mask with her. Luckily, she fell asleep in the car and slept while my mom ran into a few stores. She ended up taking a 4 hour nap. I actually had to wake her up because I was afraid she wouldn't go to sleep tonight.

I must say that I feel like I am struggling the most now than I have yet. It literally rips my heart in half watching her suffer. NOTHING I do can make her happy. I can't do what a mom is supposed to do. I can't comfort her and make her feel better. I have to keep reminding myself that it is just the steroids. I need to remind myself to take this one day at a time. I can't help but cry. I can't help but resent the fact that it's Christmas, the fact that I am not ready and have 0 presents wrapped, the fact that I spent hardly any time with Slade or Scott today because I was trying (failing) at comforting my baby girl. It's hard watching everyone enjoy the holiday season when I feel like I am barely holding on. I know things could be worse. I can't be positive right now. I just want her to feel ok and be able to enjoy her Christmas. A rollercoaster of emotions... AGAIN. I guess 1 day down and a lot to go. We can do this. We have to.


  1. 2 days down! Yea! You can do it Tosh. Just focus on one day at a time. Sorry it was a hard day today. Tomorrow will be better. Many prayers your way. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better.

  2. ahh hate it for you tosh! Love you sending prayers your way :)

  3. Tosh I am so sorry!!! I wish there was something I could do to help you guys! I can NOT even imagine how hard, frustrating and most of all emotional it must be to see your baby girl going through this...I will continue to remember you guys in my prayers!! and hope that cute girl gets feeling better each and every day.

  4. I'm so sorry about the steroids and the side effects. I can only imagine your pain. I look at my three year old and she reminds me of your little Taleah. I can't imagine what you're going through and I know you don't know me but I think about you all the time. I pray for little Taleah and your family every day. I only hope for great things for your family. You guys really deserve it. Your little girl is so blessed to have a mommy like you. She is a precious little lady. I hope that tomorrow is better for you and that little Taleah will feel better. My thoughts are always with you and I will say extra prayers tomorrow that you guys will have a very blessed Christmas. Merry Christmas!
    Love, Jenni-Ohio

  5. Tosha,

    I am so sorry you were having such a hard day when I saw you! You put on a pretty good game face:) It is ok to be frustrated and upset,who wouldn't be under the circumstances? My niece spent Thanksgiving and Christmas in the Hospital because of complications with diabetes. I don't understand sometimes why she has to endure so much and it breaks my heart for her. I do know that she continues to inspire me because of her ability to truly love others, when she has her good days and her tenacity to stay keep strong and not let it beat her down completely. I admire you tons as you strive so diligently to keep things as normal as possible for your sweet little girl. We will continue to pray for your family.~Julie