Today has been difficult. I knew it would be. Just don't think I was really prepared. She woke up acting ok, but then it quickly turned about an hour after the morning steroid dose. She went from crying, extremely emotional, sad, angry, mean, aggressive and so many more emotions in such a SHORT period of time. It was exhausting after 1 short hour. She cried for grammys house so I finally packed up and left. No one was there so that made her even more upset. Same emotions... different place. Trying to juggle her and Slade (which she is having extreme hatred toward) was a challenge. I didn't think I could handle it for much longer and luckily the fam showed up just in time. I was about to cry myself. It breaks my heart because I know she is so sad, feels like crap and has the dumb effects of steroids. At least the last time she had steroids, we could temporarily make her happy with food. This time... it seems to almost make her more upset. NOTHING makes her happy. She can't get comfortable, she is always whining, she is moving locations, things to play... trying to feel good and it's just not happening.
They were going to leave to get some last minute shopping done and Taleah burst into tears. I was at the end of my rope (only 2pm). So we loaded her up and took her with us... Teeny was nice enough to wear a mask with her. Luckily, she fell asleep in the car and slept while my mom ran into a few stores. She ended up taking a 4 hour nap. I actually had to wake her up because I was afraid she wouldn't go to sleep tonight.
I must say that I feel like I am struggling the most now than I have yet. It literally rips my heart in half watching her suffer. NOTHING I do can make her happy. I can't do what a mom is supposed to do. I can't comfort her and make her feel better. I have to keep reminding myself that it is just the steroids. I need to remind myself to take this one day at a time. I can't help but cry. I can't help but resent the fact that it's Christmas, the fact that I am not ready and have 0 presents wrapped, the fact that I spent hardly any time with Slade or Scott today because I was trying (failing) at comforting my baby girl. It's hard watching everyone enjoy the holiday season when I feel like I am barely holding on. I know things could be worse. I can't be positive right now. I just want her to feel ok and be able to enjoy her Christmas. A rollercoaster of emotions... AGAIN. I guess 1 day down and a lot to go. We can do this. We have to.