Thursday, January 5, 2012

DI- Day 15

We headed to clinic bright and early for chemo today. They are so nice to coordinate times with my work schedule. We ended up on the Thursday schedule due to counts and we are hoping to get it switched back to Mondays for the next half of this phase.

I was actually working downstairs and was able to coordinate working and being with Taleah for most of the chemo. Grandma Stevenson met us there at 8:00 and then Grammy came at about 9:30 when I had to go to work. I was able to run up for the de-access, which Taleah usually screams for. She was SO brave. I told her I would video it and she was so cute. She kept looking at me with a smile, pretending that it was great. Ha. It worked though. I still can't believe how well she has done with everything and it's only been 4 1/2 months (feels like SO much longer).

We accessed, drew labs and waited for the results until we started the chemo. I was expecting them to go down from the previous week, but not quite like they ended up. It made me sick to my stomach to hear the numbers. I know it's good and it is expected, but makes me nervous.

ANC 300

Hct 35.2

WBC 2.7

Plts 180

Everything but the ANC is ok. 300 is really low and not much of an immune system. We will be EXTRA careful for the next little bit. It will probably be a good 6 weeks before her numbers will be "good" again. The chemo will not be getting easier. More anxiety coming my way. Steroids also started again today... the high doses. I HATE them, but love them because they do their job. It will be a rough week, but we will get through it. Just waiting for those steroids to take full force. If you hear major screaming from my house, it is most likely Taleah freaking out. I always do my best to keep it together, but it's not always the case.

We are doing pretty good. We are working together as a team and just doing our best. I can't really fake much anymore when people ask how she is doing. I usually say that she is ok and it sucks. I think I surprise people sometimes when I respond that way. Sometimes I say that I am ok too or I say that I am not. Depends on the day. Again, not really the life I thought I would have at almost 26 yrs old but it is what it is. Just keep going.

I am worried about their birthdays though. Slade's is in 2 weeks and Taleah's at the end of this month. I don't want Slade to miss out because we can't do something big for him and I don't want to Taleah to feel left out either. She will most likely be pretty sick on her b-day cause we should be starting the second half of the phase that week. I just want them to feel special and loved and I am worried that they won't because we will be so focused on cancerville. It's dumb and there is really no reason to worry about it. See... anxiety and worrying. Wish I could stop. Good thing we have such amazing people surrounding us. Thank you to everyone for acts of kindness, reading this, prayers and thoughts in our behalf. It really means so much and even though we don't know all who do, we feel it and love it. Thank you!


  1. My heart sank when i read her numbers this week. I don't understand it, I bet you wish you didn't either! But her ANC was so much lower, as a mom, I can't imagine what that does to you. We love you guys and pray that birthdays can still be fun!

  2. I think its okay to be honest and say that you're not doing well. I know you will do your best to make their birthdays great, and they will never remember if it wasn't a big, grand party!
    Miss you and wish we could see you guys!

  3. I think it's ok for you to be honest with others. It's important for you to be able to talk about how you really feel. I think you're a great mom. Their birthdays will still be special. I know that as mom's, we think we have to go all out to make things special. That is natural for us. Birthday's don't have to be big to be special though. Try not to worry too much about that. I know that whatever you guys do for their birthday, there will be memories made and they will be very special. Family is what makes them special. You have a very special family. I'm always praying for your family. Thinking of you always.
    Love, Jenni-Ohio