DI- Day 52

I was gone from Friday night- Sunday morning. I was nervous to leave because of Taleah's low grade temp, but I needed to go. It was a sort of getaway, but for a cheer competition (loud music, yelling, headache). I was glad that Scott offered to keep the kids without complaining.

Upon returning home, Taleah still had the fever. She was a little whiny, pale and tired..ish. Nothing really new. I still wondered if the transfusion would happen, but we were expecting the CBC the next day. Should have listened to my gut. She started complaining of head pain around 7pm. The temp was 100.1-100.3. We continued to watch it and take her temp. I just knew we were going to end up going in, but I didn't want to accept it. I wouldn't pack a bag or hers. Instead, we went on with night routines. I finally realized we would go and started getting things ready. It broke my heart when she cried and said she didn't want to go. She wanted to sleep in her bed. I just about broke down. It was a flood of memories from the last fever which ended up scary... surgery... and lots of problems. I was so mad, sad, scared and angry.

We arrived and Taleah actually handled all of the new faces very well. I was surprised. She was so tired (we started the no nap thing this very day). When the CBC results came back they called and asked the nurse to draw another because the labs had to be wrong. Sure enough... they were right. Her WBC was 0.4, ANC 200, Hct 14 (they usually do a blood transfusion at 24) and platelets at 20 (usually transfuse at 50-60 I think). OH MY GOSH! Everyone was shocked. She was not acting that way at all. I knew we would be admitted and staying. Dang.

Here goes a long night. Starting with fluids (30 min), premedication for transfusions, platelet transfusion (1 hr) and then blood transfusion (4 hrs). During it all... vitals. Holy long night. Wow. She slept through most of it thanks to the Benadryl and no nap.

I layed there next to her, holding her and thinking of the great donors that are saving my baby's life.

The morning showed that her numbers had come up, but not enough. Hct was 20 and platelets 79... so better but immune system still WAY down. She had another transfusion to hopefully boost that Hct to help boost the other numbers. If that happens and nothing grows back in the cultures... then hopefully she can go home in the morning.

Again, the benadryl put her to sleep. Peacefully sleeping while the blood is pumping through her body. I felt a sense of humility watching this transfusion happen. This trip was emotional for me, but different than before. She was handling things so much better. This was different than any other time. It is SO much easier being in St. George.

She had a few moments where she needed mommy to hold her hand. Not many, but I didn't mine. I didn't mind feeling needed.

The biggest advantage of being here is having daddy around. He doesn't get to be at much when were at PCMC. I LOVE having him here to help and be a part of things.

Tonight is the first night I won't be sleeping at the hospital with her. Scott is all over it. I was nervous, but walked in the room to say goodnight and Taleah said, "What are you doing here?". That was when I knew they would be ok. I walked in the room to 2 content kiddos entertaining themselves. Whatever works.

I am hoping and praying that we can go home and finish the antibiotics there (which I think is 10 days). Praying for good news in the morning. Poor Slade is neglected.. not really cause he is with either grandparents... but I feel like I am neglecting him. It is a horrible... guilty.... failure feeling. I know I am doing what I have to but I still miss him and feel bad. Good thing he has loved ones caring for him.

I feel grateful and humbled to have the help and support that we do. One nurse mentioned that she had seen our Taleah bracelets all over the place and was wanting to meet Taleah. How sweet is that?! Thank you everyone. It means more than you will ever know!! Prayers for Taleah are needed more than ever. This phase should be over in 2 weeks. It can't come fast enough.